Leaving Paris: A letter to you.

In my mind I had known you forever. In my mind, it’s hard to remember the days before you.

In real time, if I cease to see you again, I’m not sure the amount of time we spent together would add up to any significant fraction of that which a human being lives.

But that’s the thing. Most people merely exist. Not everybody lives. You woke me up. For once, I felt what it was to be truly alive.

I can’t think of any greater happiness than to be with you all the time. I was never unhappy with you.

You were sweeter than my solitude.

You have been the light at the end of my tunnel, the silver lining. Every French cliché- it was all you. Kissing under the moonlight. On the streets of Paris. The Eiffel Tower in the background. I found you at the perfect moment. I was at exactly the right place at the right time.

I used to think happiness was merely coherence in one’s thoughts, feelings and actions. But now I know it’s beyond that. Happiness is achieved when you know you’re not hurting anyone- you are aware of intention.

We were freer together.

“The clock ticks. The years pass. We age and die. Time is the only thing we can be certain of.”

Time is real. The end of summer is real. Summer started when you held my hand and summer ended when you left my side.

You were not just a summer gift though; you are a lifetime treasure. You have been a dream I don’t want to wake up from. You opened my eyes to feelings I’ll never really see.

It is easy to dismiss dating apps as insincere, objectifying and deceitful. But in the end, they did do one thing for me. They introduced me to you, someone that I was willing to bend my rules for. Someone that I was willing to put my memory of expectation away for. Someone I was willing to confront the judges of normality for.

You are one of the best things that will ever happen to me.

If we had never met, I think I would have known my life wasn’t complete. And I would have wandered the world in search of you, even if I didn’t know who I was looking for.

And now with the physical distance that August has put between us, I only have one regret:

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you when I already knew I did.

Sincerely,

Adriana.

*a Nicolas Sparks quote was borrowed for this article

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